A lot has happened since I last posted – so many lessons learned, memories made, things enjoyed. I cannot believe how fast this semester has flown by; in a few weeks it will be over! Here is a portion of what has happened within the past couple of months:
We’ve had a really warm, sunny fall over here, and it has been gorgeous. I love fall so much. =) It’s been pretty decent teperature-wise up until this week, where the temperature dropped and the chilly winter winds picked up. I’m excited that it’s time to break out the coat and mittens. Bring on the snow! (And I mean it; I love snow. Until around February when it turns dirty grayish-brown from all the street sludge and car exhaust. Then I can’t wait for spring.)
I finished a lettering project recently for a publishing house for a friend of mine. I designed the logos, and I’m really excited how they turned out. Can’t wait to see them in use!
These days God has been teaching me a lot. I say that every week, but it’s true. And I’m thankful that he keeps teaching me a lot. =) For a while until about a couple weeks ago I was worn out by school and because of this, really overtired and depressed. In case I haven’t before, let me clarify: I love my school SO MUCH and and am so blessed to be studying here under such a wonderful curriculum and amazing professors. I love what I’m learning, but the workload is pretty strenuous, and it’s easy to feel like I’m drowning sometimes. Though I tried to fight it, I constantly was under this cloud of gloom and negativity, like I am not doing well. I am going to fail. There is no hope. And if I caught myself telling myself this, I would stop and try to tell myself, NO. Those are lies, Madeline. I mean, even if you do fail, that is not the end of the world. God has a plan for your life. Trust him. Ask him for strength. Don’t worry about the future. But I couldn’t really shake it for a while. However, looking back, I see God’s grace in helping me through the rut. I had a few really good conversations with a couple classmates about this, and I found that I was not alone; that I was not the only one who felt weary and overwhelmed. After that, God basically shoved two verses in my face – ones that really spoke to me. I only remember what one of them was, and I heard it in Greek class. My Greek prof opens every class period with a verse – in Greek, of course – which we read and translate, and then he unpacks the verse. Well this one time, he chose Philippians 4:6-7:
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 ESV)
And I’m sitting there listening to Professor Matt explain the passage as I start to tear up and am like, Wow, God. THANK YOU. For the rest of the week, that (as well as one other verse that I found which I can’t remember) was recalled again and again as I preached to myself: Don’t be anxious, Madeline! Ask God for help! He is Your heavenly Father who loves to give good things to his children! Ask him for help with this seemingly impossible assignment! He is able to help me do this! Besides those verses, one Sunday our pastor preached a sermon that was just PERFECT. The gist of it was this: “Where you look tends to control your outlook” and “What you see by faith is more decisive and more defining than what you see by sight.” It got me thinking, OH! By sight, I see an overwhelming task ahead of me, and it’s weighing me down. I’m letting it ruin my life because I’m not looking at it from faith – instead of looking at it with the mindset of “okay, God put this task before me, and it looks impossible. But! He is able to help me do this! Okay, LORD, help me!” and tackling it, trusting in his strength, I’ve been looking to my own strength and realizing my insignificance, forgetting that I have a God who I can ask for help. Lord, forgive me! Teach me to look to you in this, and give me the strength and endurance to do it faithfully! So I was really blessed by that sermon. Then, what do ya know! I then went downstairs to help out in the youth group, as I do every week, and the lesson the youth leader taught was ALSO on faith. What. I went home that day, and I was just marveling. Okay, God. I have no words. You are AMAZING. Thank you for teaching me this. Forgive me for my doubtfulness. May I learn to trust You! After that, by God’s grace, the nervousness, the panicking over the schedule ahead of me, the sobbing on my bunk as if there wasn’t any hope (how embarrassing…) and all that… pretty much ceased. God gave me a more positive outlook. I still felt overwhelmed, but I realized this: God is in control. He has a wonderful plan for my life. Even if I don’t end up doing well in school, that doesn’t mean I’m stupid, and it doesn’t define who I am; my identity is in Christ, and Christ is what matters most. HE is the reason why I live and move and have my being; I live to honor HIM. Grades do not matter as much as he does, and I should not let this ruin my joy. Things have been a lot better since then.
Over the summer, I started a notebook which I titled “Myriads of Graces”. I write down the many things things God has done in my life, things he has blessed me with, and things that simply make me smile. Two things inspired me to do this: the first being Psalm 103, which starts out with “Bless the LORD, O my soul”. Recalling the millions of things he has done for me is one way that causes my heart to praise him – Wow, LORD, thank you! You are such a loving Father, and you have blessed me with SO many good things I don’t deserve! The second thing that inspired me was a message that one of the professors at my school spoke to some of the students, which was on the importance of cultivating a heart of gratitude towards God for all that he has done – and ultimately, for who he is. Gratitude leads to worship (it should, anyway). He defined gratitude as “a glad-hearted reception of God’s grace through his gifts”, and told of ways he exercises thankfulness in his own life. He mentioned that one way was by making a list of a things that bring him joy – two of his examples being “wool socks” and “peanut M&Ms”. (Those are some pretty solid examples…) So this past summer, I started my own thankfulness notebook, and it has been wonderful. Here are just a few things I have written:
- God’s love for me.
- The ability to create.
- Healing from migraines.
- The way sun shines through trees and illuminates the leaves.
- Friends that you can have inside jokes with, tell anything, laugh or cry with. You know, the best kind of friend.
- Hot chocolate.
- Hugs – long ones.
- Happy memories.
- Water when you’re in desperate need of it.
- Fall colors.
- Corporate worship.
- The book of Romans.
- Reading for pleasure.
- Wearing pretty dresses.
- Texting long into the night with sisters and laughing about inside jokes that only we understand.
You should start your own thankfulness notebook – it’s pretty fun. =)
Greek, as usual, has been super enjoyable. I love the satisfaction of being able to read verses in Greek and knowing what they say! It is definitely hard work though memorizing all those paradigms and vocabulary words. Wow. Currently we are trying to memorize the Imperfect Active Indicative forms of λύω, and I’m still trying to get my prepositions down. A couple months ago I started writing whatever I needed to memorize down and placing it where I would see it – First Declension forms on the whiteboard in my room, prepositions in a plastic bag stuck to the wall of the shower, etc. All the work memorizing pays off though. Greek is pretty awesome.
I used to avoid sugar, preservatives, and unhealthy things in general, because I would get really bad migraines – like the kind that would sometimes cause temporary paralysis in some parts of my body, such as the right arm and sometimes the tongue, and would, on rare occasions, affect mental clarity (not in a weird way, but just that I wouldn’t be able to figure out the answer to six times four, or not be able to read words on a page.) Once I would get them, the only thing I could do was sleep it off; I wasn’t comfortable using medication. I started getting them when I was about 11, and then at one point when I was about 12 or 13, I started getting them pretty much on a daily basis. It was a trying season of my life, but I did find that if I took fish oil and avoided sugar and anything artificial, they wouldn’t happen quite as often. So I avoided sugar, dyes, preservatives, artificial flavors, and chocolate like the plague. Then God chose to heal me. A doctor found out what was wrong with me, and did what he could, and eventually the migraines became lesser and lesser, until instead of getting them daily or even weekly, I got them only about once a year. I’ve been almost completely free of migraines for a few years now, and just recently have been introducing previously avoided things back into my life: sugar, chocolate and certain types of preservatives – not to intake on a regular basis, but just as a treat every now and then. It’s awesome to be able to literally eat a gluten-free cookie, or pop an altoid in my mouth, and not worry about getting a migraine from it. Last Tuesday I literally ate REAL ice cream, Breyers mint chocolate chip even (my favorite kind!), and it was THE BOMB DOT COM. It’s so awesome to be able to have things like this again. =) FREEDOM!
We have mice. And it’s disgusting. I hear them scutter around and squeak in the walls at night, and I wonder how many there are in this house. I saw one run out of the bathroom once (what on earth was it doing in there?), and hear them in the kitchen every so often. Sometimes I can’t help thinking about that scene in Ratatouille when the ceiling comes crashing down and the old lady finds out that a whole rat colony has been living in her attic. Ughhhhhh. *shudders* Thankfully, one of my housemates has stocked up on mousetraps (16 of them, to be exact). I hope we find some dead ones soon. (Ooh, I heard one just now. Sick.)
These days our class have been studying Catholicism and the Reformation (woohoo!). Because of our recent study of Catholicism, our class went on a field trip to a beautiful cathedral, where we attended the mass. You know, if you’ve been studying Catholicism, it makes sense to see it in action, right? It was my first time attending a mass. When we walked inside the cathedral, I was like, WHOA. It was so beautiful! I wonder how much money – and TIME! – it took to build that thing? When mass was over we walked slowly around, admiring all the elaborately detailed architecture. I kind of felt like Lizzy Bennet walking through Pemberley, in the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice. When we left the cathedral, we went to an Italian restaurant and had supper (well, I only had some pineapple, haha) while we fellowshipped, talked about the mass and what we thought about it, and enjoyed each other’s company. We had such a good time. Ah… I love my class so much.
Other various enjoyments:
- Ask Pastor John podcasts. Desiring God’s got an app for it, and you should download it. =) Each podcast is about 5 minutes long, and there are ones for almost every topic imaginable, and you can submit a question for Piper to answer.
- Dancing around to Rend Collective’s new album while I cook or clean my room.
- Occasional leisure time (such as right now, as I am typing this post!).
- Writing out passages of the Bible and sticking them to my wall. I’m realizing more and more that to fight the fight of faith well, I need to be well-versed in God’s Word, so I’m working on memorizing a few passages, like Ephesians 2:1-10 or 1 Peter 1:3-9.
- Bacon. I found some natural bacon (though I can handle some types of preservatives, I avoid those found in meat. Thus, bacon was off limits for me) at Target yesterday, and fried some up almost as soon as I got home. Guys, it was the first bacon I’ve had in years. Wow.